HOW TO STOP LYING TO YOURSELF
This year has brought us to a place where 77-year-old Presidential candidate Joe Biden is reaching out to rapper/influencer Cardi B to discuss the issues within our country.
Now don't get me wrong. I understand that Cardi B has over 20 million followers and mad influence over her audience. I understand Joe Biden's angle within that conversation.
The disturbing part of the interaction came later after Cardi B stated in an interview that she believed that Biden reached out to her because she is knowledgeable about the country's current affairs. Initially, I was like, "OK, she is doing a publicity spin, but she understands what is going on within that situation." Then I saw the look on her face while recording the interview. She really believed what she was saying; Cardi B had done something we all do. She had lied to herself.
I can't fault Cardi B because I remember the first time I became aware that I was lying to myself. The incident went like this…I had stated I was serious about getting out of debt. Next, I realized that I needed some groceries and went to the store, got up to the register, and pulled out a credit card to pay for my purchase. That's when the self -deception hit me. I wasn't lining up my actions with the story in my head. I immediately tried to justify my actions to align with my belief, but it was too late.
I had already seen the light, and the toothpaste was out of the tube. I had really believed that I was so serious about getting out of debt. I would have argued anyone up and down if they had said anything that came against what I believed whether it was true or not. I realized that I deceived myself in this situation, but the thought didn't stop there.
I started to think, "What else have I lied to myself about?" How long have I been doing this to myself? And more importantly, how was I going to stop? Lying to ourselves is at the core of our problem with ourselves, our family, work, and our current society.
Currently, there are books about being the Anti-Racist that is popular on Amazon and in some schools. I say we need learn how to be the Anti Self-Deceiver.
Leaders have 3 skills that they use to minimize the lies that they tell themselves.
Power of the Pause
The thing that allowed me to catch myself was a short pause to consider my alignment on what I was saying and what I was doing. I had to get out of the feedback loop I usually do to justify or rationalize my actions. Once you are able to pause, you can respond rather than react. In these videos posted on social media and in the news involving police interactions and looting had me looking and saying to the screen. "Just Stop! Nothing good is coming from this situation." But I understand that in those interactions, once those emotions get to going, they take on a life of their own. What you need to do is Stop, Pause, and Reset.
Count The Cost
If you get emotional in certain situations, then pause to ask:
Is what is being said true?
What role did you play?
Is this even worth your time and energy?
Every reaction causes a reaction, and you need to consider the response before you act. The worst feeling is finding out that you aren't perfect, and you make mistakes too. It happens. It's life, but you can't keep living on the same level at some point. I believe that everyone wants to level-up in their lives.
Decide on the life that you want to live and make intentional choices to get to that life. Remember that you can't get something for nothing. So figure out the price upfront and then decide if you are willing to pay the cost to be boss. If not, no shame; just make another choice.
Walkout Your Choice
We clearly see other faults and inconsistencies rather than our own. Hence the conversations of what they "should do" and what we "would have done." if we were in that situation. The best thing you can do is make a decision and stick with it. Along the way, surround yourself with people you can rely on to be truthful to you.
It's your life, and really the only person that you lie to is yourself. Others see you play that lie out during your relationships and interactions. Look at yourself and accept reality, even the parts you don't like. It will be painful now, but it will be profitable later.
To live your best life and develop your personal leadership ability, you have to live your real life, which means you have to be honest with yourself.
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